NanaKim

My Nana who knitted for 5 children and 9 grandchildren.

It’s interesting to watch my daughter changing through her pregnancy. Her hair is lush, her cheeks are pink and her body is rounding out. I remember being more than pleased with the quality and shine of my own pregnant hair and being very aware of each portentous physical change. My daughter is buying comfortable clothes and pretty outfits that are good for going to work. I remember the loan of a number of lovely cotton dresses for my first hot, humid and pregnant summer in North Carolina. Things are starting to feel real and we are all anticipating meeting a new family member. Who will this person be? Emotions are quite complicated for all of us: excitement, trepidation, anxiety, joy, impatience, the usual heady mix.

I love being asked to help research child care options. I have very strong ideas on that. I want the place to be nationally accredited and to follow an open door policy so that I can volunteer on site. We were planning to go and look at each program at the top of our list in person to take a tour. Those visits never happened in the end because infant care is unaffordable for two working parents who are trying to buy their first home before the baby arrives.

I want to help out. We agree that I will be on hand for a few hours a day during maternity leave and then cover child care when everyone is back at their full time jobs. I haven’t been employed since moving for my husband’s job immediately before Covid happened. Although our house and garden, family and my church definitely provide plenty of interesting projects, I’m also really looking forward to being a grandmother and to being a key part of the family caregiving team. I’ve learned so much through my work and training in early childhood since becoming a parent myself. I’m also well aware of how much more there is to know.

It’s also clear to me that in my sixties, having contracted Covid, that my energy levels are not what they once were. I have always been a healthy eater and have always done enough exercise to keep my body relatively strong, limber and pain free. I’ve never been overly enthusiastic about exercise but I do enjoy yoga and dancing, and I am committed to being active with a body in good working order. Exercise is essential. Even with that, I can tell that Covid has knocked me back and limited my ability to push through. I was vaccinated when I caught the virus, but the shots never promised immunity. Like the good fairy in Sleeping Beauty, it only promised that I would not die, but there would be a price to pay and I’m so grateful to be here to see my family grow.

All I can do is take as much care of myself as possible in the same way that my daughter and her husband are. We are all prioritizing exercise, healthy food and rest. Everyone wants to be at their best for this baby.

This baby is coming. I remember that I have baby clothes in a closet somewhere. I begin to unpack the hand made baby treasures to pass on to my daughter: delicate knitted jackets from both grandmothers, a cross stitched satin backed baby blanket from my mother-in-law, a soft lacy cotton blanket from my aunt, even some smocked outfits I made myself, one was made from my wedding petticoat (slip). Touching them brings me back to when my children were babies, and suddenly it seems so recent. How could everyone be adults already? It couldn’t possibly be so long ago could it?

I love the knitted baby clothes, the jackets, hats and booties. My grandmother and mother knitted so many things for me to wear. I loved the feel and colours of each sweater, cardigan, and jumper. I enjoyed watching them knitting, especially my grandmother who must have clothed every member of the family, across all the generations and their friends too. Knitting connects me to the mothers before me. Having knitted things from them reminds me of their love. I wish I had kept more of the things I knitted for my daughter, but I am so looking forward to knitting for my grandchild. I will wait a while though as I see that the baby already has a lot of clothes to wear. Many baby supplies are being gathered. Also, I am currently busy knitting something for my middle child. That’s a special project too and I am focused on getting it done before this baby is born.

A jacket my Nana made for me in the 80s. I can’t part with it.