NanaKim

When something goes wrong with our precious and fragile infants, we are taken to a place of such pain and suffering that we are forever changed. Sometimes the outcome is unbearable. This event does have a happy ending but for so many parents, a devastating and tragic loss can occur. To speak of these moments is to tread on the sacred ground of grief and life changing terror. 

That night, my son in law was sleeping next to his daughter in bed. She was on a foam changing pad with sides curved up to stop her rolling anywhere. He woke up to hear her making strange sounds. As he looked closely he saw that her eyelids and lips were blue. She was deathly pale and unresponsive. 

It was 2:30 in the morning. He woke my daughter and they drove to the nearest emergency room, which happened to be at a hospital with a major pediatric center. Dad ran into the lobby carrying a baby who seemed as lifeless as a rag doll. 

Medical staff rushed towards him and took my granddaughter immediately and worked to revive her and stabilize her. 

My daughter joined them in the emergency room as soon as she had parked the car. They spent the next 12 hours there before being transferred to a patient room. My granddaughter had undergone a battery of tests to determine what caused her to stop breathing and results would take a little time.

I woke up to my daughter phoning me with the dreadful news. I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital until they were settled in the patient room and then only for a limited amount of time. On the way I collected the good German chocolate from Aldi, picked up diapers, burp cloths and baby socks from their house and then collected a food order from a Tacoria. Neither parent had eaten for about 20 hours by the time I arrived in the hospital room. They were exhausted, completely stressed and absolutely beside themselves.

Once in the room, I took over holding my granddaughter so that my daughter and son-in-law could catch their breath and eat something. Papa lay down on the parent bed and Mama took the recliner. It was late afternoon and nobody had slept. 

My granddaughter was wearing a baby sized hospital gown open at the back. She was mostly swaddled in a blanket from home and had a hospital infant cap. Her left arm was taped to a board to facilitate an IV. Her left foot was tagged with wires for the oxygen sensor and the heartbeat monitor. It was a heartbreaking sight. Something like relief was on her face as I held her and she fell asleep fitfully. Everytime she woke and found that her arm and feet were still manacled and bound she cried in misery. Every time the nurse came in to check her my granddaughter became distressed. The nurse was very careful to be efficient and allow the family as much rest as possible.

The doctor came in and was very encouraging. All the tests were negative, including the hemangioma brain scan that was due to have been done the following week. His conclusion was that sometimes babies stop breathing for reasons that can’t be determined. 

I was asked to leave at around 7 pm and fed three abandoned cats at their house on the way home. My granddaughter was able to leave the hospital the following day. It was a day we had planned to get the immediate family together in remembrance of a good friend who had passed away on the other side of the country. We ate brisket, pulled pork, cornbread, beans, lemon pecan bundt cake and drank Dos Equis. It was strange but somehow appropriate to reflect on both the death of a friend and the near death of the newest family member. We were together, taking care of each other and not yet feeling relaxed about trusting our baby to keep breathing reliably.

Going forward, the pediatrician at the hospital had advised keeping the baby’s mattress slightly raised because of the fact that almost all babies suffer from congestion due to their tiny passages. Many also suffer from acid reflux, which can impair breathing. They also advised holding her upright for several minutes after each feed.

Five days after visiting the emergency room, my daughter and son-in-law took their baby to their own pediatrician. He concluded that she was indeed suffering from acid reflux based on a Checklist of behaviors associated with this: fussy eating, crying during or after eating, a lot of hiccoughs and more. 

It made me think of the colic my daughter had suffered through as a baby and wonder if that too was acid reflux? As it turns out, like so many topics, there have been changes in knowledge around “colic”, which is indeed closely linked with acid reflux. Colic Solved: The Essential Guide to Infant Reflux and the Care of Your Crying, Difficult to Soothe Baby.

My granddaughter was put on an antacid prescription liquid to be taken twice again. Once again, I was delighted that my daughter had found a medicine dispensing pacifier, which was definitely not around when I had babies. While the baby is sucking on the pacifier, you can open a port on the outside and use a dosing syringe to deposit the medicine directly into the bulb. The baby sucks it down before she realizes what’s happening. 

The baby’s ability to eat increased to a normal healthy intake level for the first time. With the resolution to this nightmare came tremendous relief. My son-in-law took the longest daytime nap since the birth of his daughter. I don’t think any of us will ever forget this terrible experience but we will certainly celebrate every milestone and birthday with even more enthusiasm and gratitude than ever.